SHE’S A SINGLE MOM!
Q: “I met a really cool girl, she’s a single mom, she gave me her number, but when I try to get together with her, she’s always busy. Should I give up? I feel like she’s blowing me off.” Mike, Miami, Fla.
The single mom question is indeed a GREAT QUESTION. Especially for a guy who doesn’t have children. This is a question I’ve been asked more than once. My son is sixteen. I’ve been a single mom from day one. We’ve been through ups, downs, winding roads and sharp turns. I know this subject well.
Single moms have a certain allure to a guy who likes to rescue. For others, they see a chic with kids and run. Too much baggage! This guy knows that sex is not going to be her first priority. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a priority for us ( at least for me) but, with the demands of children and the lack of privacy, it can be a challenge.
The diversion of having a strong, handsome listening ear who is offering some much needed adult time is endearing. When my son was still in diapers, the gal at my photo lab wanted to introduce me to another photographer she worked with. ( did I mention I’m a photographer?) This guy was a California native, divorcee with girls in their tweens. He was 12 yrs older, salt and pepper hair, sexy, surfer type, incredible artist and had a voice like Kevin Costner. Basically, he was pretty hot. But, he definitely was a bit edgy, and I was a neurotic new mom. We dated for about a year until one day he said ” Lorraine, you clearly have too much on your plate, maybe we can try this again when your kid grows up.” We stayed in touch, remained friends, explored a few dates years later, but the spark was gone.
It’s definitely not easy dating a single mom. If Dad is involved, and your single mom has kid free days, it’s much easier to work out a feasible dating schedule. Just realize that dating a single mom can be very challenging no matter what the circumstances are. It can surely be an amazing experience, but I don’t recommend going down this path unless you understand the following:
- You will most likely NOT come first and may never come first.
- She will not always be available even when she does have time. — Her time will be limited. I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve been asked out and was too tired to go and chose to stay home and chill.
- You will be hanging out with kids and doing kid things. – This is just part of the package. Time spent together will not always be one on one.
- You can’t be a control freak. – Raising a child alone tends to make a woman very guarded. She needs to protect her young. Having a guy come in your life and tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing, just doesn’t work.
- Single moms are not looking for a guy who is in fling mode. — When a child is involved, it’s not just about hooking up. Don’t even go there if your not serious. When kids are involved, you need to be mindful. There is nothing worse than being in a situation where your kid gets attached to your boyfriend and then you break up. Been there! That being said, if you are still interested in pursuing a single mom, and are okay with the checklist above, go for it. Take it slow, be patient and understanding. You may become part of this family.