How To Wrap HER Head Around YOUR Fetish??

A few years ago I met Ryan. We dated for 9 months when I was abruptly hit with the “I think I need some time alone” talk.  Don’t ya hate that when that happens!?!  But whatever, life went on.

We kept in touch. Two years later, he came back into my life wanting to give “us” a try again. We started texting, and I soon starting receiving numerous texts of sexy 5” Louboutin’s, YSL, and Blahnik’s.

Ryan was ready and willing to drop $1000 on a pair of designer shoes. Like most girls, I love shoes. Would my choice be 5” heels that I can’t walk in? No, personally my choice would be boots. I’m a definite boot junky.

At first I thought how sweet and generous it was for Ryan to buy me a pair of expensive shoes. But when I thought about it, I realized the shoes were a present for him, not me. Especially when he said he couldn’t wait to f**k me in the shoes.  Being a chic, I decided to test him. (Yes, girls test guys all the time. Sad but true. We are not always sugar and spice and everything nice.)

I sent him a photo of a pair of boots I really wanted with a text saying “I think I would much rather have the rag & bone boots than the YSL shoes.” He didn’t respond. I felt a little resentful. I thought he only cared about sex and shoes.

Three days later I was pleasantly surprised when UPS delivered the boots. Ryan agreed the shoes were for him and he wanted me to have the boots I liked. He bought me both so we both could be happy. Major brownie points on that one!

Disclosing a fetish can be nerve wracking. Exposing a desire is not always easy. You can either make a choice to “come out” and be open or keep it to yourself. If your relationship starts to get serious, it’s going to be hard to hold back what excites you from your partner.

Whether your fetish is shoes, lingerie, dominance etc. the best advice I can give you is to bring up your fetish organically. If shoes do it for you, find a photo of the shoes you like and say “I think these would look great on you, what do you think?”

If you like bondage, get Netflix and watch 9 1/2 Weeks or Fifty Shades of Grey. After the movie have a conversation about sex. Maybe start by saying “have you ever been tied up or blindfolded? What are your feelings about that?” Don’t get discouraged if your partner says she’s not interested. Sometimes it takes time for a girl to be open to something she hasn’t been exposed to.  What I would say, is don’t surprise her with your fetish.

My girlfriend and had a great laugh the other day when thinking back to a guy she was seeing last year who had a surprise birthday gift for her.  Unintentionally, Jackie found her present. Just what every girl wants for her birthday, a ball gag! I wonder who’s genius idea that was?  Needless to say, Jackie wasn’t up for being gagged on her birthday and that was the last she saw Tim.

Although its fictional, in Fifty Shades of Grey, it took time for Anastasia to let down her guard to Christian’s desires. If a girl is really into you, she will most likely want to please you. My best advice is to make sure you support her needs and desires, so she doesn’t feel like it’s all about you. Take care of her and she will take care of you!  And by the way, I’ve grown pretty fond of my YSL shoes.

The Date I Will Never Forget

Someone recently asked me: “What was the best date you ever went on?”

I was like, “Oh, geez, that’s a hard question!  The ” best date” I had to really think about.

After giving it a few minutes, I remembered meeting this guy a few years ago during a night out at our local sports bar with my son. Yeah, he was cute and charming, but what really impressed me, being a single mom, was how he engaged with Ty as they watched a hockey game. We had a great time talking, and as I was ready to leave, he asked me what I was doing in the morning. I said “Sleeping.”

He said, “Why don’t you wake up early and go with me to the English pub and watch a rugby game. . . it starts at 5am.” (!?)

The first thing out of my mouth was “Are you crazy?” But he persisted, saying “Be open! Try something new! Meet me there, and if you don’t have fun you never have to go again.”

I knew he was right. Sure, what he was suggesting sounded crazy (5am on a Saturday?), but I needed to be open to new things. So I woke up when it was still dark out and made it to the local English pub at 5am.

We downed a few Guinness with bacon and eggs, and I. Had. A. BLAST!! I stepped out of my box and felt good about it. So guys, don’t be afraid to ask that girl you just met to do something a little crazy. If you take a girl out with no expectations other then to laugh and have fun, she’ll be more likely to let her guard down and have a good time. Girls like guys who know what they want and have confidence.

How to Get Her Attention – A True Story

I met Jason when I was walking my dog on the beach. He had just moved in and was new to the area, working for Google in what they now call Silicon Beach in Santa Monica. Our dogs hit it off and soon we were sharing stories and became friends. Jason told me he was single but super into a hot chick at his gym. He said she always seemed busy and never made eye contact with him, so he thought she wasn’t interested. I told him he should talk to her, but said he didn’t have the nerve. Surely this guy knew how to talk to girls, right? I finally asked, “What are you afraid of?” He said he was afraid she would blow him off. I said “ I understand that and if she did, how would you feel?” His answer: “horrible, stupid, like a loser…”

I asked him to look at this from another angle. “What might be some of her reasons for always seeming preoccupied? What if they had nothing to do with you?” It’s easy to make assumptions that aren’t necessarily positive. Together we came up with a list of reasons—she might be stressed out at work, possibly just focused on her work out, she might be in a relationship, family problems etc….

Me: What do you really want from this girl?

Jason: “I want to go out with her”

Me: How do you know? You don’t know the first thing about her.

Jason: Well, I’d like to get to know her.  Meet her for coffee or a drink.

Me: So, how are you going to do that if you don’t talk to her?

Jason: I probably never will

Here’s the Break Down: How to Talk to Girls

First Step: Connecting

I explained that a guy needs to make a girl feel comfortable. We all know, there are some weird folks out there. Girls naturally play defense because we have to—it’s a survival skill. I asked Jason to think about the people this girl might talk to on a regular basis: the mailman, the cashier at the market, the employees at Starbucks…

He said he noticed she and the guy who works the front counter of the gym were always talking. He even wondered if she was dating him. The first thing Jason needed to do was make a connection with her. Smiling is always a good start!

Studies show that humans mimic behavior and that doing so helps form close social bonds. If a guy is checking out a girl from across the gym and she catches him, that’s creepy! It’s much better to make a connection and be on a first name basis.

Second: Overcoming Fears, Beliefs and Assumptions

I asked Jason to tell me about himself. I wanted to know how he thought his friends might describe him.

“I don’t know… I think I’m a stand-up guy. My friends say I’m funny, dependable. I love sports and dogs”

Then I asked him why a girl wouldn’t want to know a guy like him. Jason was cool and easy to talk to.

“I’m think I’m too skinny, my career isn’t exactly where I want it to be yet… I don’t have a ton of money like some of the guys here in Los Angeles. She probably only dates rich guys.”

I brought him back to the list of good things he’d told me about himself, pointing out that the negative beliefs were all assumptions. Jason assumed his girl crush didn’t like slender guys, assumed that she only dated guys with money. He actually doesn’t know her or what she’s looking for, or if she’s even looking. I urged him to smile, then go up and introduce himself next time he saw her at the gym. I knew that if he didn’t engage, nothing would ever happen.

Third: Taking Action

Jason introduced himself at the juice bar. He found out her name was Kim and they liked the same smoothies. He knew one thing for sure about Kim: they both order the Tropical Blast. The second time he ran into Kim she was near the exit. Remembering what I said, Jason didn’t make an assumption, smiled and said “See ya, Kim.”

Everybody loves to be addressed by their name. To his surprise, Kim apologized for being in a rush and shared that she was on her way to a nursing class and couldn’t be late. Turns out she’s a single mom and full time nurse, enrolled in school part time. Her life was busy.

The next time they ran into one another was at a dog park. Kim recognized Jason from the gym and walked over with her dog. She was much more relaxed and hung out for about 20 minutes talking. Kim even let down her guard and told Jason that she had just got out of a long-term relationship.


Although Jason didn’t make a romantic connection with Kim, the experience helped him realize his own assumptions had been his biggest blocks in dating. Even though they didn’t go on a date, he became friends with Kim and learned a valuable lesson. And finally started to feel comfortable talking to girls.

The truth is, there’s no way of knowing if a relationship will develop until you get to know someone—and that takes time and effort. The key is to enjoy the process. None of us has a crystal ball. Not every interaction is going to be a homerun, but we have to get up to the plate and take a swing.  If you’re in a dating dilemma, remember, I offer 30 minutes of FREE dating advice.  Just shoot me an email so we can book your session.

And by the way, after hanging out in the dog park every now and then, Jason and Kim finally started to date. Now they’re engaged.