Hotel Etiquette – Yes! Two Beds —–> One

It’s summer, everyone is out having fun, you just started dating a girl or have a girl friend you’d like to get to know better. How nice would it be to do a weekend trip? One little problem: you’ve haven’t slept with her yet. Yup, it’s awkward. It’s definitely awkward. Do you ask her if she wants her own room? Do you get one room and play it by ear? Sticky situation. I want to tell you about an experience I had which gave me a lot of insight to write this blog.

At the time, I was living in Los Angeles. I received a text from a guy I grew up with that said “Hey, I’m in San Fran this weekend, if I send you a ticket, will you come up?” Without thinking, I sent a text back  “Sure.”

I hear the swoosh of my text and all I can think is  “OMG! I just told him I would come spend the night!” I never even kissed this guy let alone get intimate with him! I was attracted to him, but I wasn’t ready to jump into bed with him.  Crap! Good Job Lorraine, now what?

I asked myself:

“Will he get me my own room?”

“Should I ask for my own room?”

“Maybe I should tell him I forgot I had plans?” etc. . .

What did I do? Nothing.   I decided to wait and deal with it when I got there.

Fast forward: my flight landed, my friend picked me up at the airport, we went out for a nice dinner, followed by a romantic walk along the water.  So far so good. During the drive back to the hotel we caught up on each others lives. We covered everything except the sleeping arrangements. (Of course I’m mentally kicking myself for not being clear about the room situation.)

We get to the hotel, as we’re walking down the hall to the room, I start freaking out because I’m nervous and don’t want to share a bed with him.  Slowly, he opens the the door, and steps aside so I can walk in.  What do I see? TWO BEDS! I was shocked. I think he saw the look on my face because he said “I didn’t want to assume.”  I couldn’t believe he got two beds! How classy was that? At that moment, I felt respected; the pressure was off. I had choices.  (Btw, the second bed was never used.)

I wanted to share this is because it’s important for you to know that if you respect a woman, she will let down her guard and start trusting you. If your goal is intimacy, establishing trust in the beginning of a relationship is critical.

Take Away

Don’t assume. If you haven’t slept with a girl and would like to take her away, be upfront with her.  Ask her if she wants her own room or a two bedroom suite, same room- two beds, one bed?  A woman likes to be in control.  Give her choices. If she says “yes”  she wants her own room, don’t take it personally.  Some of us need time. Just because you book two rooms doesn’t mean you can’t end up in one.

Filter Free Friday ( FFF)

You’re wondering wtf is ” Filter Free Friday?”  — Ok, every friday, me, Lorraine, will post a personal unfiltered blog on sex – dating and everything in between.   Also, I have decided to add some curated content to my blog.   I will be taking the most interesting posts from the TOP 10 Blogs and reposting them on Girls Unedited.  This way, Girls Unedited can be a one stop deal.  You will get the best of everything without having to surf the net.  Just bare with me, this is a new brainstorm of mine.  It may take me a few weeks to get down.  But I will get down with it.  Enjoy the ride and don’t forget that I do give free email advice if you are in need.

She’s Hot, She’s Fun, and

SHE’S A SINGLE MOM!

Q: “I met a really cool girl, she’s a single mom, she gave me her number, but when I try to get together with her, she’s always busy.  Should I give up?  I feel like she’s blowing me off.”   Mike, Miami, Fla.

The single mom question is indeed a GREAT QUESTION.  Especially for a guy who doesn’t have children. This is a question I’ve been asked more than once.  My son is sixteen.  I’ve been a single mom from day one. We’ve been through ups, downs, winding roads and sharp turns. I know this subject well.

Single moms have a certain allure to a guy who likes to rescue. For others, they see a chic with kids and run.  Too much baggage!  This guy knows that sex is not going to be her first priority. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a priority for us ( at least for me) but, with the demands of children and the lack of privacy, it can be a challenge.

The diversion of having a strong, handsome listening ear who is offering some much needed adult time is endearing.  When my son was still in diapers, the gal at my photo lab wanted to introduce me to another photographer she worked with. ( did I mention I’m a photographer?) This guy was a California native, divorcee with girls in their tweens. He was 12 yrs older, salt and pepper hair, sexy, surfer type, incredible artist and had a voice like Kevin Costner. Basically, he was pretty hot.  But, he definitely was a bit edgy, and I was a neurotic new mom. We dated for about a year until one day he said ” Lorraine, you clearly have too much on your plate, maybe we can try this again when your kid grows up.”  We stayed in touch, remained friends, explored a few dates years later, but the spark was gone.

It’s definitely not easy dating a single mom.  If Dad is involved, and your single mom has kid free days, it’s much easier to work out a feasible dating schedule.  Just realize that dating a single mom can be very challenging no matter what the circumstances are.  It can surely be an amazing experience, but I don’t recommend going down this path unless you understand the following:

  1. You will most likely NOT come first and may never come first.
  2.  She will not always be available even when she does have time. — Her time will be limited.  I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve been asked out and was too tired to go and chose to stay home and chill.
  3. You will be hanging out with kids and doing kid things. – This is just part of the package. Time spent together will not always be one on one.
  4. You can’t be a control freak. – Raising a child alone tends to make a woman very guarded.  She needs to protect her young. Having a guy come in your life and tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing, just doesn’t work.
  5. Single moms are not looking for a guy who is in fling mode.  — When a child is involved, it’s not just about hooking up.  Don’t even go there if your not serious.  When kids are involved, you need to be mindful.  There is nothing worse than being in a situation where your kid gets attached to your boyfriend and then you break up. Been there!  That being said, if you are still interested in pursuing  a single mom, and are okay with the checklist above, go for it.  Take it slow, be patient and understanding.  You may become part of this family.

What Is It About Guys with Tats?

Last night I had a G2G ( girl to girl)  text exchange with my bestie Elaine. Elaine is my muse and works closely with me on Girls Unedited – she’s pretty much amazing !

L: I was looking at your Instagram, I didn’t know you were into guys with tats.

E: Yeah, I love tattoos. My friend, Brigid, got me into this Canadian body builder with tattoos over half his body.

L: Do you have any tats?

E: Yeah, I have music symbols on my hips.

L: (laughing) Do they play music when you have sex?

E: (laughing) No, but that might be fun. Do you have any tattoos?

L: Yeah, I have a tribal symbol of wings on my lower back. I’m waiting for them to get clipped so I can settle down.

E: (laughs)

L:  You like tattoos on guys?

E: Yes. I have a nerdy reason and a sexy reason.

L: What’s your nerdy reason?

E: I like the stories behind them.

L:  I agree, the symbolism can be really cool.

E: Yeah, and some of the stories are crazy.

L: What’s your sexy reason?

E: Well, when someone finds a good tattoo artist who understands how muscles move on a body and they place the tattoo just so, that’s really hot.

L: I just love it when you can see a guys tat peak out from under his shirt.

E: Yes! Makes you think.

L:  Right. It makes you wonder if they’re a bad boy or a just little edgy.  Look at Beckham. He is covered and super hot.  Not all guys could pull that off.

E: He really does pull it off. Soccer players are kind of notorious for their tats.

L: Where’s your favorite place on a guy for a tattoo?

E: I really like chest tattoos.

L: I like shoulder blades and on the arm. If a guy has a good chest, that can be pretty sexy.

E: What’s your favorite tattoo?

L: I like different variations of tribal tattoos.

Hell YES!  I’m a sucker for a guy with a Tattoo.  When I decided to write this blog I had deja vu  about a guy I met with a great tattoo.  At the time I was living in Venice Beach, Ca.  I was at the ATM on Windward Ave. when I saw a hot guy about 6’2″, olive skin, dark shoulder length hair, athletic body, sweats and a distressed jean shirt walking toward me.

First thing I notice is a sexy tribal tat peaking out from under his shirt. He came over to me, introduced himself and said he thought I was cute and asked if I lived close by.  John was visiting from Tasmania, staying at the hostel across the street. He had a rockin’ accent and was super charming.  After 15 minutes of talking, he asked me if I would mind if he showered at my apartment.

Shower? I was like “OMG, shower?  As in water, naked?”

“I don’t even know you.”

He replied in a very soft sensuous voice, ” Yes you do, you like me.” (He was spot on with that, he was very cute.)

“The showers are horrible at the hostel, can I come over?” he asked.  Out of the norm, I decided “why not!” In Kabbalah they say “Go out of your box.” I’ve never done anything like this.  I figured, I’ll try almost anything once.  As the story goes, we ended up in a great relationship for almost a year until he moved back home. To this day, I can still remember his tattoo and it’s enigma that pulled me in to want to get to know this stranger better.

Tattoos may not equal sex appeal to some conservatives or Jews, but I think the general consensus seems to be that tattoos do in fact enhance a guy’s sex appeal, within reason.  Face and full body tattoo’s fall outside of this idea. I asked the girls of Girls Unedited what goes on in their head when they see a guy with a tat, the comments I got were :

“this guy isn’t afraid to walk on the wild side”

” he must be good in bed”

“shows he’s not afraid of pain”

“he’s passionate and not afraid to show it”

“he probably has a bad boy side – that’s hot”

“mysterious, I want to know his story”

“he must have a big d**k, he had the balls to get a tat”

Based on the girls’ comments I think a great nickname for a guy’s tat is a “stud stamp.” Much better then the girls “tramp stamp.”

“My body is my journal and my tattoo is my story.”
-Johnny Depp

If you’re thinking about inking, do your research!

  • Don’t  bargain shop for your artist – A talented artist is not cheap – nor should they be. Check out different shops, get references, read yelp reviews, have him or her do sketches for you, make sure hygiene is a top priority. No garage tattoos! Go to a reputable shop.
  • Design – do your homework.  Think twice about doing your girlfriend’s name, a naked chick, a “MOM” tat…. it’s really not a turn on to see another girl’s sketch or name on a guy’s arm.  And “Mom” should probably stay on greeting cards, it’s just not very sexy.  Your art represents you.  Removals are not fun or cheap.  Sleep on it!

Why I Slept With My Best Friend

Most have us have been there.  You have the good friend who you fantasize about sleeping with.  I guess it’s back to wanting what you can’t have.  Before I start writing,  I’m not talking about friends with benefits (I will blog about that another day.) I’m talking about hooking up with a good friend, sleeping with them and building a relationship.

The following is my own true story of how my best friend became my lover.

When I was 19 yrs old I was a bartender at this funky place called Jon & Peters.  Many top musicians launched their career in this neat little local bar, which, believe it or not, still exists.  I became very good friends with one of  my regulars, let’s call him Joey.  Joey was/is a  super cool easy going guy and one of the best stone masons around.  He and I did everything together. We leaned on each others through the good times and bad.  When I was working he would come and visit me.  When I was off, we would go out for drinks and come back to my apartment and sleep together.  Sleep together as in good night, kiss on the cheek, nothing more.  I can still remember him spooning me at night, me thinking how safe I felt when he was with me.  Fast forward, I moved to the west coast, Joey got married and had kids. I got engaged, married, divorced and had a son of my own.

A few years back, I was visiting back east and my cousin told me that Joey was separated and getting a divorce.  It had been years since I last saw him. I decided to give him a call and see what he was up to.  He  proceeded to ask myself, my mom and my son to his house for dinner.  As always, we had a great time.  Food was perfect, we laughed about old times and decided to stay in touch.  A few days later I went on one of the worst dates I ever had with, ironically, a stone mason. (Another blog.) Around 10:30 pm when I got home from my date , Joey sent me a text:

Joey : Whats up? how are you?

Me: Just went on the worse date ever

Joey: that sucks! you should have gone out with me

Me: You never asked

Joey: Never thought you’d go

Me: Try me

Joey: Meet me at 86 on thursday around 5?  (86 is a sushi restaurant in town)

Me: Great

Note: Joey knows me quite well. I prefer going out early and I never get picked up on a date. Just a me thing. Very thoughtful and considerate.

I met Joey on Thursday, we had an amazing time, laughing, talking, no pressure. No pressure is a key element in dating.  The following weeks we spent a lot of time together. Nothing sexual, just enjoying each other’s company.  What flipped the switch? One night on my mom’s front door step. Since we were 19, Joey always walked me to the door at the end of the night. This particular night was different. In the midst of saying goodbye, Joey looked into my eyes and with a soft quiet voice said “would it be okay if I kissed you?”

What could I say? He had been so sweet, so patient, so caring, his actions made me want to explore a deeper part of him. I all the sudden got really shy and said ” I guess.”  He softly pulled me closer and probably gave me the most passionate kisses I’ve ever had.  And that was it.  At that point, I realized that my best friend was a part of me.

We dated across country for two years. Sexually I did things with Joey that I’ve never done before. He accepted me for who I am and filled a void no other guys could. I think a lot of the reason was because I trusted him. Our relationship was organic, passionate and easy. Even though we are just friends at the moment, I will always hold a place for Joey in my heart and I will never forget the two years we spent together. I fell in love with my best friend.

So, YES,  it is possible to have a relationship with a girl who is just your friend.

How do you go about it? I think what worked in my situation was time. During the time Joey and I were apart, we lived our life and grew as adults. When we met again, our friendship was different. I think we were able to appreciate each other for who we had become and for what we shared in the past. My best advice is to stay sincere and be patient. Don’t push. Timing is probably the most important element in a relationship. If you feel like she takes you for granted, break away for awhile. Don’t be too available. Maybe when you come back into her life, she’ll see you in a different light.

If you have any questions or need dating advice, feel free to email me:  lorraine@girlsunedited.com

7 Things Not To Do On A First Date

You went out with a girl for the first time, you thought it went great, but then you never heard back from her again. Most likely it’s not about you. She might be too busy at work and doesn’t want a relationship. Maybe she’s still into her ex-boyfriend. OR, it might be something you did. Check out this list to make sure you didn’t make an obvious wrong move.

DO NOT:

  • KISS — Yup, no kissing on the first date. At the very least, no kissing with tongue. I can’t really explain why, but it works. I think it’s an ego thing with women. We expect guys to want to kiss us so when you don’t, it throws us a curve ball and we want you even more.
  • GET ON YOUR PHONE — If you have kids at home it’s perfectly fine to keep your phone available for emergencies. But, if it’s not important, don’t pick up your phone. And guys, keep your phone turned over. Seeing another chick call is not a turn on.
  • BATHE IN COLOGNE — Too much cologne can be a total deal breaker. Remember, you don’t really know this girl. She could be allergic or the cologne might be offensive. Personally, heavy cologne makes me sick. Wear something fresh and subtle. Even a good aftershave could be nice.
  • TALK ABOUT EX’S — Don’t trash your Ex! You dated her. Why are you with crazy chicks? Are you crazy?
  • SHOW UP UNKEMPT — Okay, I know a lot of you don’t like to fuss, BUT you must make sure your nails are clean and trimmed, your hair is washed, your facial hair is either non-existent or groomed. The last thing you want a girl to say is “he was nice but his nails were too long” or “cool guy but his hair smelled like a greasy old man” or “he looked like he slept in his clothes.”
  • OVER TALK YOUR DATE — Make sure you listen to what your date has to say. And prove it by asking her question. No girl wants to hear a guy talk about themselves all night. If she asks you about yourself — great! If not, ask her questions.
  • MAKE IT A LONG NIGHT — Go out, have fun, enjoy the conversation but don’t make it the everlasting date. You have a life remember?! Girls like busy guys. Leave her wanting more.

How To Wrap HER Head Around YOUR Fetish??

A few years ago I met Ryan. We dated for 9 months when I was abruptly hit with the “I think I need some time alone” talk.  Don’t ya hate that when that happens!?!  But whatever, life went on.

We kept in touch. Two years later, he came back into my life wanting to give “us” a try again. We started texting, and I soon starting receiving numerous texts of sexy 5” Louboutin’s, YSL, and Blahnik’s.

Ryan was ready and willing to drop $1000 on a pair of designer shoes. Like most girls, I love shoes. Would my choice be 5” heels that I can’t walk in? No, personally my choice would be boots. I’m a definite boot junky.

At first I thought how sweet and generous it was for Ryan to buy me a pair of expensive shoes. But when I thought about it, I realized the shoes were a present for him, not me. Especially when he said he couldn’t wait to f**k me in the shoes.  Being a chic, I decided to test him. (Yes, girls test guys all the time. Sad but true. We are not always sugar and spice and everything nice.)

I sent him a photo of a pair of boots I really wanted with a text saying “I think I would much rather have the rag & bone boots than the YSL shoes.” He didn’t respond. I felt a little resentful. I thought he only cared about sex and shoes.

Three days later I was pleasantly surprised when UPS delivered the boots. Ryan agreed the shoes were for him and he wanted me to have the boots I liked. He bought me both so we both could be happy. Major brownie points on that one!

Disclosing a fetish can be nerve wracking. Exposing a desire is not always easy. You can either make a choice to “come out” and be open or keep it to yourself. If your relationship starts to get serious, it’s going to be hard to hold back what excites you from your partner.

Whether your fetish is shoes, lingerie, dominance etc. the best advice I can give you is to bring up your fetish organically. If shoes do it for you, find a photo of the shoes you like and say “I think these would look great on you, what do you think?”

If you like bondage, get Netflix and watch 9 1/2 Weeks or Fifty Shades of Grey. After the movie have a conversation about sex. Maybe start by saying “have you ever been tied up or blindfolded? What are your feelings about that?” Don’t get discouraged if your partner says she’s not interested. Sometimes it takes time for a girl to be open to something she hasn’t been exposed to.  What I would say, is don’t surprise her with your fetish.

My girlfriend and had a great laugh the other day when thinking back to a guy she was seeing last year who had a surprise birthday gift for her.  Unintentionally, Jackie found her present. Just what every girl wants for her birthday, a ball gag! I wonder who’s genius idea that was?  Needless to say, Jackie wasn’t up for being gagged on her birthday and that was the last she saw Tim.

Although its fictional, in Fifty Shades of Grey, it took time for Anastasia to let down her guard to Christian’s desires. If a girl is really into you, she will most likely want to please you. My best advice is to make sure you support her needs and desires, so she doesn’t feel like it’s all about you. Take care of her and she will take care of you!  And by the way, I’ve grown pretty fond of my YSL shoes.

The Date I Will Never Forget

Someone recently asked me: “What was the best date you ever went on?”

I was like, “Oh, geez, that’s a hard question!  The ” best date” I had to really think about.

After giving it a few minutes, I remembered meeting this guy a few years ago during a night out at our local sports bar with my son. Yeah, he was cute and charming, but what really impressed me, being a single mom, was how he engaged with Ty as they watched a hockey game. We had a great time talking, and as I was ready to leave, he asked me what I was doing in the morning. I said “Sleeping.”

He said, “Why don’t you wake up early and go with me to the English pub and watch a rugby game. . . it starts at 5am.” (!?)

The first thing out of my mouth was “Are you crazy?” But he persisted, saying “Be open! Try something new! Meet me there, and if you don’t have fun you never have to go again.”

I knew he was right. Sure, what he was suggesting sounded crazy (5am on a Saturday?), but I needed to be open to new things. So I woke up when it was still dark out and made it to the local English pub at 5am.

We downed a few Guinness with bacon and eggs, and I. Had. A. BLAST!! I stepped out of my box and felt good about it. So guys, don’t be afraid to ask that girl you just met to do something a little crazy. If you take a girl out with no expectations other then to laugh and have fun, she’ll be more likely to let her guard down and have a good time. Girls like guys who know what they want and have confidence.

What is 3 1/2 ” that You Should Never Leave Home Without?

You’re probably thinking, a credit card, breath mints, chap stick, cell phone?  Yes, they are all important to have with you, although, not what I’m talking about.  Still wondering?  Keep reading.

I had an experience the other day which prompted me to blog about the importance of  A BUSINESS CARD. Truth is, you never know when or where you’re going to meet a girl. Unfortunately,  if your life is anythihng like mine, you or she may be on the run.  Yesterday I lived this.

I took my son to the driving range, was in the Pro shop paying for a glove while having a brief conversation with a nice guy in line behind me.  We shared some small talk about the weather and his tee time.  After I paid, I said ” it was nice meeting you….have a great day.”  Out I walked.

Halfway to my car he stopped me. “Excuse me, here’s my card in case you’d like to meet for a drink sometime”.  I took his card,  and said “Thanks, that would be fun”.  Voluntarily, I reached in my wallet and gave him my card. I usually don’t do this, but because his approach was genuine and friendly, I didn’t even think about it.

How many times have you seen a girl you would like to get to know better, she walks away, and you have no way of contacting her. You don’t know her Facebook, you didn’t give her your number, and most probably, you didn’t get her number.  You get home and say to yourself  ” Crap, why didn’t I say something”. It happens all the time.  It’s called  “MISSING CONNECTIONS”.  You don’t need to have a long conversation with a girl in order to smile, give her your card, and mention the possibility of getting together.

This isn’t the first time a guy has given me his card and hopefully not the last. But, I have been in many situations where a guy fumbles in his wallet looking for a card. Either he can’t find one or doesn’t have any left. Then he starts looking for a small piece of paper to write his number on and can’t find a pen…  Not being prepared can lead a girl to say “That’s fine, I really have to go.” If she’s kind enough to wait for you to find that small, torn up paper to write on, will she keep it and call you? Or will she chuck it because her first impression of you was that your scattered and don’t have your shit together? And let’s forget about  you asking her to log your number in her phone, or vice versa.  Time is of the essence!

Can you ask her for her number? I wouldn’t do it.  I rarely  recommend a guy to ask a girl for her number unless he knows she’ll be okay with giving it out.  How can anyone read a girl’s mind?  Having a business card you can access quickly is key.  Looking back, I had a nine year relationship with a guy who gave me his business card while we were chatting in a food line at a park.  At the time I lived in Marina del Rey, California. He said he was looking to buy a condo for his parents and said “if you see anything nice for sale in the Marina, could you please let me know”.  I’m not sure if it was the salt and pepper hair, his electric blue eyes, or mint green Harley, but I soon found a condo for sale and used the excuse to call him.  Believe me, a girl WILL call you IF she is interested.  I back that 100%!!!

Therefor, even if you don’t work for a company that requires you to have a business card, for less then $20 you can order and design your own at VistaPrint. What’s your hobby?  Do you do work on the side?  Photographer, writer, IT, electrician… Get creative, and be ready for your next encounter on the fly.