#1 Profile Mistake

For the first time in my life, I went on an online dating site to see wtf it was all about.  I discovered so many things that I didn’t know.  I will get into that later.  Right now, before this holiday weekend, I want to tell you my biggest takeaway.  And don’t say
I’m basing it on the fact that I’m a professional photographer. Guys you need to take this seriously.

As a diplomatic female, looking at photos of guys online, I’m wondering ” What the hell is it with the selfies of guys holding a cell phone in the mirror?.”  Holy Crap!  If your doing this, you need to STOP right now!!  Get a buddy to take a shot, hire someone, do anything but stop the craziness of the lame deer in the headlight shot with your cell phone and a dirty mirror. You have 10 seconds to catch a women’s attention.

Due to this discovery, I will be writing a book on  ” How To Show Up Online.”

Goal is, Do not sabotage yourself and Do not lose dates before you have them.

Happy Memorial Weekend!

Finding The Perfect Things in Life

None of us are perfect, but we need to find the things in our life that are.  A little over sixteen years ago I got pregnant.  If you read my last post, you know I’m a single mom.  Digging deeper into the story, I was dating my son’s father for over a year, got pregnant and he broke up with me. I spent 9 months of my pregnancy alone, walking the beach in Marina del Rey, Ca. with my dog Catch.  Feeling like each and every neighbor had thoughts of judgment. Emotionally, it was one of the hardest times in my life.  I had no family in Calif., and a weak support system.  ” It was a dark place.”

I had a series of toxic relationships and was now on my way to be a mom.  I had to work through the negative voices in my head and find inner strength to rise above them. I knew I needed to love who I was and find joy and purpose in my situation.  In today’s society it’s so easy to beat ourselves up and compare our lives to others.  I remember thinking how lucky the mom’s were who had “good” husbands.  Their lives looked so perfect.

When my OB said ” the womb-life and the first three years of life set the entire life’s course of a child”, I had a revelation. At that moment, I stopped the noise. This was not about me.  I was on a mission to succeed for my child.  I read every book I could on becoming a consciousensious mother so that I could set the foundation for life- long health and happiness in my son.  I started practicing Kundalini yoga and meditation with Gurmukh Khalsa at the Golden Bridge in Los Angeles.  I did daily mudras and mantras, listened to classical music, slugged fresh juices and hiked the Santa Monica mountains.  I embraced being a mom.  I may not be perfect, but when I look at my son, I know I got something in my life perfectly right.  He is the light in my life.

Today some of you will be celebrating, some reflecting.  Whatever the case, it’s a day to be thankful for what we had or have and the sacrifices that the remarkable woman called ” Mom” made for you.

I want to wish every mother a Happy Mother’s Day!

What Is It About Guys with Tats?

Last night I had a G2G ( girl to girl)  text exchange with my bestie Elaine. Elaine is my muse and works closely with me on Girls Unedited – she’s pretty much amazing !

L: I was looking at your Instagram, I didn’t know you were into guys with tats.

E: Yeah, I love tattoos. My friend, Brigid, got me into this Canadian body builder with tattoos over half his body.

L: Do you have any tats?

E: Yeah, I have music symbols on my hips.

L: (laughing) Do they play music when you have sex?

E: (laughing) No, but that might be fun. Do you have any tattoos?

L: Yeah, I have a tribal symbol of wings on my lower back. I’m waiting for them to get clipped so I can settle down.

E: (laughs)

L:  You like tattoos on guys?

E: Yes. I have a nerdy reason and a sexy reason.

L: What’s your nerdy reason?

E: I like the stories behind them.

L:  I agree, the symbolism can be really cool.

E: Yeah, and some of the stories are crazy.

L: What’s your sexy reason?

E: Well, when someone finds a good tattoo artist who understands how muscles move on a body and they place the tattoo just so, that’s really hot.

L: I just love it when you can see a guys tat peak out from under his shirt.

E: Yes! Makes you think.

L:  Right. It makes you wonder if they’re a bad boy or a just little edgy.  Look at Beckham. He is covered and super hot.  Not all guys could pull that off.

E: He really does pull it off. Soccer players are kind of notorious for their tats.

L: Where’s your favorite place on a guy for a tattoo?

E: I really like chest tattoos.

L: I like shoulder blades and on the arm. If a guy has a good chest, that can be pretty sexy.

E: What’s your favorite tattoo?

L: I like different variations of tribal tattoos.

Hell YES!  I’m a sucker for a guy with a Tattoo.  When I decided to write this blog I had deja vu  about a guy I met with a great tattoo.  At the time I was living in Venice Beach, Ca.  I was at the ATM on Windward Ave. when I saw a hot guy about 6’2″, olive skin, dark shoulder length hair, athletic body, sweats and a distressed jean shirt walking toward me.

First thing I notice is a sexy tribal tat peaking out from under his shirt. He came over to me, introduced himself and said he thought I was cute and asked if I lived close by.  John was visiting from Tasmania, staying at the hostel across the street. He had a rockin’ accent and was super charming.  After 15 minutes of talking, he asked me if I would mind if he showered at my apartment.

Shower? I was like “OMG, shower?  As in water, naked?”

“I don’t even know you.”

He replied in a very soft sensuous voice, ” Yes you do, you like me.” (He was spot on with that, he was very cute.)

“The showers are horrible at the hostel, can I come over?” he asked.  Out of the norm, I decided “why not!” In Kabbalah they say “Go out of your box.” I’ve never done anything like this.  I figured, I’ll try almost anything once.  As the story goes, we ended up in a great relationship for almost a year until he moved back home. To this day, I can still remember his tattoo and it’s enigma that pulled me in to want to get to know this stranger better.

Tattoos may not equal sex appeal to some conservatives or Jews, but I think the general consensus seems to be that tattoos do in fact enhance a guy’s sex appeal, within reason.  Face and full body tattoo’s fall outside of this idea. I asked the girls of Girls Unedited what goes on in their head when they see a guy with a tat, the comments I got were :

“this guy isn’t afraid to walk on the wild side”

” he must be good in bed”

“shows he’s not afraid of pain”

“he’s passionate and not afraid to show it”

“he probably has a bad boy side – that’s hot”

“mysterious, I want to know his story”

“he must have a big d**k, he had the balls to get a tat”

Based on the girls’ comments I think a great nickname for a guy’s tat is a “stud stamp.” Much better then the girls “tramp stamp.”

“My body is my journal and my tattoo is my story.”
-Johnny Depp

If you’re thinking about inking, do your research!

  • Don’t  bargain shop for your artist – A talented artist is not cheap – nor should they be. Check out different shops, get references, read yelp reviews, have him or her do sketches for you, make sure hygiene is a top priority. No garage tattoos! Go to a reputable shop.
  • Design – do your homework.  Think twice about doing your girlfriend’s name, a naked chick, a “MOM” tat…. it’s really not a turn on to see another girl’s sketch or name on a guy’s arm.  And “Mom” should probably stay on greeting cards, it’s just not very sexy.  Your art represents you.  Removals are not fun or cheap.  Sleep on it!

Why I Slept With My Best Friend

Most have us have been there.  You have the good friend who you fantasize about sleeping with.  I guess it’s back to wanting what you can’t have.  Before I start writing,  I’m not talking about friends with benefits (I will blog about that another day.) I’m talking about hooking up with a good friend, sleeping with them and building a relationship.

The following is my own true story of how my best friend became my lover.

When I was 19 yrs old I was a bartender at this funky place called Jon & Peters.  Many top musicians launched their career in this neat little local bar, which, believe it or not, still exists.  I became very good friends with one of  my regulars, let’s call him Joey.  Joey was/is a  super cool easy going guy and one of the best stone masons around.  He and I did everything together. We leaned on each others through the good times and bad.  When I was working he would come and visit me.  When I was off, we would go out for drinks and come back to my apartment and sleep together.  Sleep together as in good night, kiss on the cheek, nothing more.  I can still remember him spooning me at night, me thinking how safe I felt when he was with me.  Fast forward, I moved to the west coast, Joey got married and had kids. I got engaged, married, divorced and had a son of my own.

A few years back, I was visiting back east and my cousin told me that Joey was separated and getting a divorce.  It had been years since I last saw him. I decided to give him a call and see what he was up to.  He  proceeded to ask myself, my mom and my son to his house for dinner.  As always, we had a great time.  Food was perfect, we laughed about old times and decided to stay in touch.  A few days later I went on one of the worst dates I ever had with, ironically, a stone mason. (Another blog.) Around 10:30 pm when I got home from my date , Joey sent me a text:

Joey : Whats up? how are you?

Me: Just went on the worse date ever

Joey: that sucks! you should have gone out with me

Me: You never asked

Joey: Never thought you’d go

Me: Try me

Joey: Meet me at 86 on thursday around 5?  (86 is a sushi restaurant in town)

Me: Great

Note: Joey knows me quite well. I prefer going out early and I never get picked up on a date. Just a me thing. Very thoughtful and considerate.

I met Joey on Thursday, we had an amazing time, laughing, talking, no pressure. No pressure is a key element in dating.  The following weeks we spent a lot of time together. Nothing sexual, just enjoying each other’s company.  What flipped the switch? One night on my mom’s front door step. Since we were 19, Joey always walked me to the door at the end of the night. This particular night was different. In the midst of saying goodbye, Joey looked into my eyes and with a soft quiet voice said “would it be okay if I kissed you?”

What could I say? He had been so sweet, so patient, so caring, his actions made me want to explore a deeper part of him. I all the sudden got really shy and said ” I guess.”  He softly pulled me closer and probably gave me the most passionate kisses I’ve ever had.  And that was it.  At that point, I realized that my best friend was a part of me.

We dated across country for two years. Sexually I did things with Joey that I’ve never done before. He accepted me for who I am and filled a void no other guys could. I think a lot of the reason was because I trusted him. Our relationship was organic, passionate and easy. Even though we are just friends at the moment, I will always hold a place for Joey in my heart and I will never forget the two years we spent together. I fell in love with my best friend.

So, YES,  it is possible to have a relationship with a girl who is just your friend.

How do you go about it? I think what worked in my situation was time. During the time Joey and I were apart, we lived our life and grew as adults. When we met again, our friendship was different. I think we were able to appreciate each other for who we had become and for what we shared in the past. My best advice is to stay sincere and be patient. Don’t push. Timing is probably the most important element in a relationship. If you feel like she takes you for granted, break away for awhile. Don’t be too available. Maybe when you come back into her life, she’ll see you in a different light.

If you have any questions or need dating advice, feel free to email me:  lorraine@girlsunedited.com

Anna and Linnea Unedited

Welcome!

I know what it’s like. I know how it feels to look around and feel like everyone else is meeting the perfect match, and finding happiness with their partner.

But I also know what it’s like to be successful in love. I know from experience what it takes to build a successful long-term relationship from the first date to the end of the road. I’ve done it myself!

I want to welcome you to Girls Unedited. I’m Lorraine. I’ve also been on a lot (a LOT) of first dates. And I’ve been on a lot fewer second dates.

Over the years, I’ve always been the “go to girl” for my friends (men and women) whenever they needed dating advice. There’s one thing that’s always been obvious: Most men don’t know what women want. Well good news – Girls Unedited is here to show you.

My bevy of beautiful bloggers and I are going to share candid love, sex, and dating advice from women, for men. You guys get access to the secret world of women – the stuff we only talk about with each other. I believe that once you see – unfiltered and uncensored – what women talk about, what they want, and what their dreams and fantasies are, then you will have what you need to find the relationship you want, with the woman of your dreams. Every guy deserves a great woman. I’m here to help you find her!

Happy Valentine’s!

After months of writing and a year of planning, Girls Unedited is finally LIVE! Yeah!  Learning how to use WordPress site is definitely going to be technically challenging for me but my wonderful partner Elaine has insisted that it’s as easy as Facebook.  So, please bare with our growing pains.  Its going to be a fun ride!

Valentine’s Day. What does this day mean?

For some it’s a special day they can spend with their partner, for others it’s a day they dread because they’re in a bad relationship. For most singles it’s the Hallmark holiday they try to avoid

If you’re spending today alone, take the time to do something nice for yourself.  We all need some self love.  Buy a new shirt, get a massage, make yourself a nice dinner. Whatever it is you enjoy – go for it!

If you don’t love yourself, it’s going to be hard to love someone else.  Take a few minutes to think about what you want and set a goal for next Valentine’s Day. We have all year to help you be the man women want.

If there’s a girl you’re interested in or you have a good friend who is a girl, there’s nothing wrong with sending a  text saying “Happy Valentine’s Day.”  Whether it’s a birthday, Mothers Day, Thanksgiving, the 4th of July or in this case, Valentine’s Day, it’s a great opportunity to let someone know that you’re thinking about them.  Remember, out of site, out of mind.