Most have us have been there. You have the good friend who you fantasize about sleeping with. I guess it’s back to wanting what you can’t have. Before I start writing, I’m not talking about friends with benefits (I will blog about that another day.) I’m talking about hooking up with a good friend, sleeping with them and building a relationship.
The following is my own true story of how my best friend became my lover.
When I was 19 yrs old I was a bartender at this funky place called Jon & Peters. Many top musicians launched their career in this neat little local bar, which, believe it or not, still exists. I became very good friends with one of my regulars, let’s call him Joey. Joey was/is a super cool easy going guy and one of the best stone masons around. He and I did everything together. We leaned on each others through the good times and bad. When I was working he would come and visit me. When I was off, we would go out for drinks and come back to my apartment and sleep together. Sleep together as in good night, kiss on the cheek, nothing more. I can still remember him spooning me at night, me thinking how safe I felt when he was with me. Fast forward, I moved to the west coast, Joey got married and had kids. I got engaged, married, divorced and had a son of my own.
A few years back, I was visiting back east and my cousin told me that Joey was separated and getting a divorce. It had been years since I last saw him. I decided to give him a call and see what he was up to. He proceeded to ask myself, my mom and my son to his house for dinner. As always, we had a great time. Food was perfect, we laughed about old times and decided to stay in touch. A few days later I went on one of the worst dates I ever had with, ironically, a stone mason. (Another blog.) Around 10:30 pm when I got home from my date , Joey sent me a text:
Joey : Whats up? how are you?
Me: Just went on the worse date ever
Joey: that sucks! you should have gone out with me
Me: You never asked
Joey: Never thought you’d go
Me: Try me
Joey: Meet me at 86 on thursday around 5? (86 is a sushi restaurant in town)
Note: Joey knows me quite well. I prefer going out early and I never get picked up on a date. Just a me thing. Very thoughtful and considerate.
I met Joey on Thursday, we had an amazing time, laughing, talking, no pressure. No pressure is a key element in dating. The following weeks we spent a lot of time together. Nothing sexual, just enjoying each other’s company. What flipped the switch? One night on my mom’s front door step. Since we were 19, Joey always walked me to the door at the end of the night. This particular night was different. In the midst of saying goodbye, Joey looked into my eyes and with a soft quiet voice said “would it be okay if I kissed you?”
What could I say? He had been so sweet, so patient, so caring, his actions made me want to explore a deeper part of him. I all the sudden got really shy and said ” I guess.” He softly pulled me closer and probably gave me the most passionate kisses I’ve ever had. And that was it. At that point, I realized that my best friend was a part of me.
We dated across country for two years. Sexually I did things with Joey that I’ve never done before. He accepted me for who I am and filled a void no other guys could. I think a lot of the reason was because I trusted him. Our relationship was organic, passionate and easy. Even though we are just friends at the moment, I will always hold a place for Joey in my heart and I will never forget the two years we spent together. I fell in love with my best friend.
So, YES, it is possible to have a relationship with a girl who is just your friend.
How do you go about it? I think what worked in my situation was time. During the time Joey and I were apart, we lived our life and grew as adults. When we met again, our friendship was different. I think we were able to appreciate each other for who we had become and for what we shared in the past. My best advice is to stay sincere and be patient. Don’t push. Timing is probably the most important element in a relationship. If you feel like she takes you for granted, break away for awhile. Don’t be too available. Maybe when you come back into her life, she’ll see you in a different light.
If you have any questions or need dating advice, feel free to email me: firstname.lastname@example.org